Castles in the Air

I’ve known this one boy for a very very long time (let’s call him Matt). Matt and I have a LOT of mutual friends. He would go out of his way to make me happy, to make me feel part of the group, and to make me feel special. He would always make sure I’m participating in their outings even if it meant paying for my share. It was a very innocent, sweet type of love. He would (and still does) call me Princess in front of all his friends. Problem is, I was (and am still) taken, and I knew Matt through my current boyfriend. I never had the same mutual feelings as Matt did but I did feel appreciated and flattered every time  he would show extra attention.

There was this one time a group of us went to go sing karaoke. It was also the one rare time I went out at night by myself without the boyfriend and me having social anxiety and not wanting to make a massive fool of myself, I wanted to go sing but didn’t want to go sing at the same time. To be honest I didn’t really know what I wanted, I just knew I wanted to go out with my friends. I WAS ALREADY THERE. Of course, Matt knew what I was feeling and stepped in and paid for my karaoke entrance even when I told him I wouldn’t sing. Matt told me to forget about it and just have fun and open up. Before I knew it, Matt handed the cashier my fare and I had my awesome glow-in-the-dark hand stamp that I was proud of for DAYS (I rarely go out to late-night gatherings)!!

An hour or two passed and the bunch of us belted on top of our lungs ‘IN THE END’‘WE BELONG TOGETHER’, amongst a bunch of other hilarious songs. I’m pretty sure we ruined everyone’s ear drums that night. Suddenly, to my surprise, Matt (being the shy boy he was) took a mic and started a song. It was “Passenger – Let Her Go”, and during the instrumental intro, he looked me in the eye and said that this song was for me and sang the song for me.

Everyone waved their arms in the air and we actually enjoyed his singing! Matt was a great crooner. I was floored. Unfortunately, I could not return the feelings, I bit my bottom lip and stammered as I thanked him (why?! WHY? Who “thanks” someone after they sing them a song?!).

However, as the months passed, Matt started disappearing and I don’t blame him. I am already committed to another relationship, but that doesn’t meant we couldn’t be friends, right? I do miss his company and the laughter he brought to everyone. I guess I can only take the positive feelings I’ve learnt and bring it forth in my relationships in the present and in the future.